As a loving husband, you’re quite rightly worried about the effect your wife’s excess weight will have on her health. When she decides to embark on a weight loss problem, you’re encouraging and supportive, as you’re relieved she’s taken the initiative. After all, when you took your vows to be together ‘Till death us do part,’ you envisaged old age separating the two of you, not the obesity related illness.
To avoid problems in your relationship, you should realize that your wife’s weight loss will change more than just her appearance and her BMI index.
Most overweight people are so anxious not to draw attention to their size they can be very self-effacing in public, and even in the safety of their own home. Losing weight and looking and feeling better boosts confidence and self-esteem, and this can be difficult for a husband to deal with, particularly if his wife’s weight problem is long standing.
If you’re at a social event and your wife is dancing with other men and she’s never done that before, it doesn’t mean she’s looking for a replacement for you. If she was, she certainly wouldn’t be doing it right under your nose, would she? She’s simply enjoying the novelty of being attractive to men other than her husband, possibly for the first time in her adult life. If you go into Green Eyed Monster Mode, not only will you spoil her enjoyment of the evening, she’ll be very hurt to think that you don’t trust her any longer.
Some husbands can feel threatened when other men admire their wives but remember it takes two to tango. Your wife will not stop loving you just because she’s lost weight, but she might stop loving you if you make her life a misery with constant unfounded accusations. Try to be proud that you are married to such an attractive woman, and don’t allow jealousy to come between you. You’re a very lucky man – you are the one who goes home with her every night.
You may also find that your wife is more assertive at home and that where once she would have left decisions to you, or gone along with your suggestions, she now wants to have more input into joint decisions. This is great because marriage is supposed to be a partnership, after all, so try to encourage this independent thinking – two heads are usually better than one. Again, this doesn’t mean she’s questioning your judgment, or that she thinks you’re not capable of making decisions anymore, just that she feels confident enough to put forward her own point of view.
If your wife has conquered a long standing weight problem, she’ll have much more energy and will not be content to stay in and watch television every night. You may find your settled routine is disrupted, but why not go along with it and get out more together? It will do you both good to meet new people and enjoy new experiences, and you can talk about it later, so life will be much more interesting if you allow it to be. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or stay out late – even a walk in the park together can make a nice change from the normal routine.
While a substantial weight loss can result in big changes in your wife’s personality, if your marriage is strong, there is no need to feel threatened by this. The outward appearance and attitude may have changed, but inside, your wife is still the woman you fell in love with and married. If you can adapt to these changes rather than kicking out against them, you’ll both enjoy married life even more than in the fat days.